Like, Yeah, Totally (Published 2010) (2024)

My brother’s longtime girlfriend is in her late 20s, but you’d likely peg her much younger. The culprit? She makes the end of every statement sound like a question. (She also draws out the last word of every sentence like thisssss.) She’s been unsuccessful in her career and is unemployed. I bet prospective employers find her speech childish and immature. Should I encourage my brother to point it out?

M. S.

There’s a fine line between wanting to help someone, and being so annoyed that you want to squeeze her face until her eyes pop out, riiiight? So, what’s driving you, Sister Woman? Do you really want to help your brother’s longtime gal find a job, or have you simply had it up to here with the baby talk?

Only you can answer that one. But if your aim is true, and you’re tight with Miss Cindy Brady (which means that you could hear constructive criticism from her in return), then go for it: “Sometimes, the way you speak undercuts how smart you are.” Then give an example or two (hundred).

Avoid involving your brother. That seems like talking about her behind her back. And if you’re just plain annoyed by her speech patterns, or aren’t that close, leave this one alone.

Because as Bob Dylan might have sung: “She may not speak just like a woman, but she can wreak havoc just like a little girl.”

Not Twins

My husband and I employ a part-time nanny during the summer. We give her a nice bonus on Labor Day, as a percentage of her wages. This year, we employed two teenage sisters from our neighborhood; the older girl worked three days a week, and the younger two. They were both great, but the older sister went above and beyond the call of duty. She’ll receive a larger bonus because she worked more days, but can we go beyond that even, for her better work? Or would that cause sisterly strife?

Anonymous, Minneapolis

Not to worry! If what I read in the news about our kids’ math skills is true, they’ll never follow the calculations, anyway. But since you are probably among these girls’ first employers, why not turn the bestowing of bonuses into a lesson on the daily grind? Speak with the girls separately: “You did a terrific job, so we’re giving you a bonus based on your wages. We’re giving Edie (the Elder) a little more because she so exceeded our expectations in organizing activities and cleaning up around the house.”

That way, whether you hire the girls again, or they move on to greener minimum-wage pastures, they’ll understand that some bosses correlate output with reward. (And don’t think twice about potential sisterly strife. If not this, they will surely find something else to quarrel over.)

Along for the Ride

My boyfriend and I shared a rental car with another couple on a weekend trip. My boyfriend drove no less than 90 miles an hour on the way there and emerged unscathed, while the girl from the other couple received a whopping speeding ticket, despite her much slower pace, on the way home. Are we obliged to split the cost of the ticket? Do respective financial situations matter?

Anonymous, New York

Of course, financial situations matter. And since none could be worse than New York State’s, you should double the fine that’s mailed in with the ticket — since your beau was speeding, too.

Technically, you and your boyfriend (and even the ticketed driver’s partner) have no obligation to chip in one cent. Officer Friendly caught only one of you behind the wheel.

Still, in the spirit of mensch-iosity and the shared purpose of your weekend, why not pitch in, if you can swing it?

Don’t Miss Curfew

I’ve had many disagreements with my “Social Register” boss, but this one you can settle: He claims that a co*cktail party invitation for “6 to 8 p.m.” means you can arrive anytime during that period and stay as late as you want. I think it means you’re expected to leave by 8. Is he right?

Victoria, Yardley, Pa.

Maybe they rolled that way on the Mayflower, Victoria, or in blue-blooded circles composed of Hiltons and Mortimers prior to this last, tacky batch. But these days, the clear meaning of the invite is: “See you after 6, scram by 8!”