Mine’s an Astronaut (Published 2011) (2024)

Every time my friend mentions that her husband is a doctor, I want to point out that he’s a dentist. Would that be petty?

Debbie, New York

Let me see if I can read between the lines: You think your pal is “upgrading” her husband’s profession. (As if monkeying around with mouths full of spit were somehow inferior to fiddling with organs and bones.) And you’d like the green light to bring her down a peg.

Permission denied. Better to sympathize with your friend. If she’s intentionally misleading folks, she must feel insecure. Try building her up instead. She’s more likely to be honest that way.

Man on the Run

I am a college senior. I wrote my best male friend a letter, telling him that I could no longer be friends because I loved him, and he didn’t feel the same. We haven’t spoken since. Now, whenever he sees me, he runs away — literally! Last time, he whispered to a friend, and they sprinted off, laughing. What should I do about these embarrassing scenes and my broken heart?

K. M.

Try thanking your lucky stars you didn’t become romantically involved with this galloping jerk. He seems to have turned your hurt feelings into a running gag — literally. Not exactly Richard Gere in “An Officer and a Gentleman.”

Your melodramatic letter probably didn’t help matters, either. I’m sorry that you’re hurting, but a college senior is plenty old enough to know that the world is full of unrequited love — even for you. Next time, deal with it like an adult (a k a quietly). Don’t make a manipulative “Gossip Girl” story line out of it: Love me or else!

As to this guy’s 50-yard dashes, pay him a visit at his dorm room and tell him to knock it off. Let him know that if he doesn’t, your next stop will be the dean’s office to discuss the harassment. That should end his Road Runner act. Beep beep.

Endure the Cleanup

We recently turned our guest room over to my husband’s parents, who are elderly. All their visits are followed by mysteriously nicked walls, water-stained dressers and trails of crumbs on the carpet. I’ve tried taking preventive measures with coasters and runners, to no avail. Must I endure these damages silently, for fear of hurting my spouse of 20 years?

Anonymous

We’ve all been young, and someday, we will all be old. (Even Justin Bieber.) But there’s a big difference between “elderly” and “infirm” — as the 70-year-old woman on the spin bike next to mine would quickly point out.

If your in-laws are doing the best they can, and are still nicking your walls and trailing crumbs, try offering it up to the great karmic gatekeeper, so that your kiddies might be patient with you when you are your in-laws’ age.

But if they’re simply being sloppy, and some folks are, speak up: “Here’s a coaster for your drink. Please use it, or leave a credit card number for the furniture refinisher.” After 20 years, it’s going to take a lot more than a coaster to rattle your husband.

Thank You, Redux

A co-worker who lives several states away helped me with a project at work. To show my gratitude, I sent her a box of chocolates. The company verified delivery, but I never heard a word from her. Maybe the card wasn’t included, or maybe someone absconded with the candy? Is there a way to bring this up that isn’t begging for acknowledgment?

Jess, N.J.

But isn’t that exactly what you want: to be acknowledged for your gift? It’s a little redundant, but not crazy — as long as you promise not to thank her for thanking you for thanking her.

Your two explanations for her silence seem far-fetched to me. Gift cards don’t often go missing, and packages aren’t usually stolen. Isn’t it more likely that your chocolates arrived in the midst of her holiday hullabaloo, and she forgot about them?

If that’s the case, asking about your gift now is likely to make her feel bad — the exact opposite of what you intended. I’d let this one slide. Unless you send her chocolate-covered cherries, in which case you owe her an apology for sending fruit masquerading as candy.